Drunken Leyland Merrill, 31, of Appomattox, Virginia, is lucky – relatively – to be alive today after an angry Opossum bit off his penis and 1 of his testicles.

Filthy drunk, and staggering home from the bar, Merrill got far more than he bargained for when he stopped to urinate behind some garbage cans. An Oppossum, fierce when disturbed, erupted from among the trash and clamped its razor sharp teeth into his tackle.

Linda Gutman, whose residence is nearby the scene of the attack, reportedly told police that she witnessed Mr Merrill “desperately flailing around, screaming in agony, as he attempted to remove the animal from his groin……then it was running away, and the poor man looked like he had been dipped in blood from the waist down”.

According to sources at nearby Mercy General Hospital, Mr Merrill is now much closer to being Miss Merrill, as there was no trace of either his penis or missing testicle at the scene despite an extensive search being carried out. Seems as if one possum dined on fresh meat that night.

However, Mr Merrill is expected to recover, and live a normal, if somewhat sexually frustrated, life. A heavy price to pay for a drunken piss, and a lesson that all drunks should learn – look before you leak.