No wonder that goddam penguin is always smiling – an official survey conducted by influential magazine “Girlz Who Gamez” has revealed that Linux using males have larger penises than their Windows using counterparts.

The survey, which took in a sample of 500 male PC users, and which included taking physical measurements, showed that, on average, Linux users had an extra 0.9 inches of penis length, and 0.2 inches of penis girth than Windows users.

It seems the clear finding is that, if you’re a girl who thinks that size matters, you’re better off hunting out a Linux geek to get frisky with.

However, it’s not all good news for open source users. Users of Linux were also 17% more likely to have only ever had chance to use their extra penis length on their own right hand, and are 3% more likely to have masturbated over Hentai.

The 27 Mac users who were also surveyed fared worse of all. Not only did they have smaller knobs on average than either Linux or Windoze users, they were also 18% more likely to have paid for sex with a grubby prostitute, and 9% more likely to have been caught inserting an object up their bottoms by their parents.

Your call really – stick with Windows if you want to actually get laid, or switch to Linux, get a bigger dick, but only your monitor and hand will ever get intimate with it.