Jedward Cloned from Rick Astleys DNA
A whistleblower inside Simon Cowell’s entourage has sensationally revealed that Jedward were cloned from Rick Astleys DNA on Cowells say so to try and create a perfect pop sensation.
The lookalike singers were grown in a test tube in a Swiss Laboratory, before being planted into the womb of an African Silverback Gorilla to mature before birth. They then underwent an accelerated growth program where they were pumped with drugs and bombarded with pop music, growing from babies to teenagers inside of 2 years.
The whistleblower alleges that pop star Rick Astley was unaware his DNA was being used, it having been secretly harvested from dandruff and hair folicles on hotel room pillows by a crack team of agents in Cowells employ.
Cowell then used his considerable influence to manipulate them to fame. His opposition to them on televisions “The X Factor”, as well as his threat to leave the country if they won it, guaranteed that they would win. And win they did, launching them into stardom and sealing their place in the record industry.
The whistleblower, whose name is being witheld for fear of reprisals, claims he has broken his silence now because of concern for the boys wellbeing. “Cowell has got rich off of this, and the boys are going to degenerate and melt due to an imperfect cloning process. They’ll spend their last months with bits falling off, and go from teens to pensioners overnight. If the truth is known then maybe scientists around the world can save them”.