Gold prices rose 4% yesterday to close at record levels amidst reports that actor and musician Goldie (real name Clifford Joseph Price), who is famed for his stunning array of gold teeth, was involved in a bar room brawl and hit in the mouth with a pool cue.

A source close to Goldie, speaking only on condition we witheld her name, confirmed a brawl, and reported that damage was quite extensive, and will require major dental surgery to repair. She would not say what the fight was over, nor confirm or deny rumours that it was in fact a robbery, with Goldies teeth as the target.

Paul Muttkin of gold brokers Robber, Scumm, and Cocnock, told us that it was a “dream come true for the gold markets…..the mans mouth is an institution in itself, the need for gold to be used in repairs has caused demand to sky rocket”.