At first glance the wives of famous sporting superstars may seem to have it all, but perhaps not for much longer. Football has always been a cut throat world where the very best can earn a fortune, and where every edge could make the difference between glory or defeat, and now genital reduction surgery is fast becoming the new edge.

A top Harley Street surgeon, who would speak to us only on condition of anonymity, confirmed that a number of footballers “including some household names” had undergone the controversial surgery, in some cases having their penis resized to a mere 2 inches, and their testicles sucked in so that the scrotum is no larger than a small walnut.

“Imagine running around a field for 90 minutes with an awkardly shaped lump of meat slapping around between your thighs” the surgeon commented “not only is it extra weight, it also interferes with the bodies aerodynamic shape. These guys are at the top of their game, to stay there they need every advantage. A few inches gone and a smaller sac are a small price to pay for the money at stake”.

He noted that “athletes would benefit the most from this surgery due to the aerodynamic enhancement it provides, but there seems to be some resistance from the sprinting community who are accustomed to tight lyca showing off their tackle”

So, next time you ladies out there feel jealous of the WAGs who hang from the arms of most footballers, remember that an increasing number of them will be spending their love lives going down on a package so tiny that a small rodent would be ashamed to show it off in public.