In the fight against Climate Change the European Union is to impose a tax on farting, a primary contributor of global warming gases.

Methane, contained in high amounts in the human fart, is a major cause of climate change, at least according to the EU. And, to compensate for that, all people who fart must pay a fee to help offset the damage their windy bottoms are doing.

After much discussion and research, experts have calculated that the average human being farts 11 times a day. Babies and the incontinent elderly fart more often, but that will not be taken into account in calculating the tax figures.

Instead, every human being in the European Union will be charged 3 cents (USA currency) per fart, or 33 cents per day, in so called Anal Emission Credits, or AEC’s. Payable monthly, and in advance, every human in the EU will soon be receiving an invoice for the first $9.24, and invoices every 28 days for the same amount. Parents will be expected to pay for all of their offspring until the children turn 18. Refusal to pay is to be made a criminal offence, punishable by imprisonment or an unlimited fine.

The money – minus local administrive costs – will go directly to the European Central Bank, who will then administer the money on behalf of Environmental schemes worldwide.

It is understood that President Barack Obama is to sign off on an agreement for the USA to follow suit, and that pets could be next to be targeted for AEC taxation.