As part of government plans to get tough on spending, Chancellor George Osborne has hit upon an ingenious solution to not only save money, but also to ease overpopulation. With immigration the hot, but unspoken topic, Osbornes’s clever solution avoids all possible accusations of racism. Deport the English!

When announcing the new policy, Osborne said “It’s well known that the English are a bunch of whining, miserable tossers who don’t deserve any part of the great standard of life that England has to offer to people from all over the globe. Everyone recognises that our border policies have made England the thriving hub of the benefits industry worldwide”.

“The English stand in the way of that, always whining, and they’re all racist, they must be or they’d not complain about our policies. This move will save us billions a year, and make England a much more pleasant place to live for non English people”.

A spokesman for the liberal/conservative coalition government confirmed that talks were taking place with Pakistan “at the highest level” to rehome the English there, possibly as part of an exchange program to bring “hard working, honest Muslims” to live in the UK.